


Hip Hip Hooray

by translester



Series: The Devil [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, depressed phil, enjoy thanks, this is basically just a projection of my thoughts onto a characterization of phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:02:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4959874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/translester/pseuds/translester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil's view on darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hip Hip Hooray

Phil was almost never one to let the “dark” side of himself take over. The side that craved the cold. Craved lack of human affection. Craved being alone and being lonely. Sometimes Phil felt like he was trapped in ice cold water, darkness pressing in on him, his head beneath the surface.

Should the “dark” side really be called the “dark” side? It harbored Phil’s negative thoughts and expected nothing less than lack of light, yes, but it sometimes brought Phil comfort. On nights when the negative thoughts batted lightly at him, he could push them away. That left him free to let the comfort darkness brought to wash over him. Devoid of thought, only gaining a sick sort of relief from negativity.

Maybe seeing his depression as something to hold him, comfort and protect him, was unhealthy, but he never could bring himself to address that. He never told his therapist or psychiatrist that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to fight his depression. He didn’t feel like he was suffering. Granted, there were times that the negative thoughts suffocated him; pinned him down. Sometimes he wanted to cry, but it blew at his eyes so they stayed dry and whispered to him that he was weak. But he could ignore that. It wasn’t so bad when night pressed in at him, cold and calm.

Phil wasn’t okay. But that was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't intend to romanticize depression with this this is literally just how i feel and how i perceive the world but projected onto someone else. the title is from hip hip hooray by margot & the nuclear so and so's


End file.
